Etiquette - For Moviegoers

Last Sunday I went to see Iron Man 2. While the movie was awesome, my fellow patrons were not. Inspiration struck once again, so here are my rules regarding movie theater etiquette.

1. If you have a big head, big hair, a big hat, or prefer to stand while watching the movie, please choose a seat that is NOT in front of people who are already seated (when available).

2. If you decide to sit in the end seat, do NOT shoot people dirty looks when they ask to get by you. If you don’t want to move out of the way, don’t sit at the end of the row.

3. Do NOT rest your feet on top of the seat in front of you if it is occupied.

4. If you have brought an infant into, say, Iron Man 2, and that infant begins to cry, TAKE HIM OR HER OUT OF THE THEATER! No one wants to listen to your kid scream. And besides, is a movie theater the best place for a baby?

5. School your young children on proper behavior BEFORE visiting the theater. Let them know that it is NOT ok to talk, yell wrestle, throw food, or kick the back of the seat that is in front of them.

6. Regardless of whether you have or haven’t talked to your children about proper movie theater etiquette, you should still supervise them. I don’t believe that you are so engrossed in the movie that you cannot hear your kid(s) misbehaving.

7. Do NOT accept phone calls once the movie has started. (Yes, I’ve seen this happen more than once!)

8. Do NOT throw anything into the audience. (Yeah – I’m talking to you, teenagers.) It’s not funny.

9. Do NOT make out (or worse) during the movie. It’s disgusting, and I bet you have a perfectly good car waiting outside in the parking lot.