Etiquette - For Train Commuters

The musings in this post are the end result of a series of events that took place this morning in the train station. Perhaps it would be more appropriate of me to write that it was a series of unfortunate events. For the sake of brevity, all I will say is that an extraordinarily inconsiderate person caused me to become incredibly enraged…and late for work. The following is a list of rules that all who ride trains/subways/etc should follow:

1. If you are in the station or on the platform to take in the scenery, please be aware that you are, without a doubt, the only person who wishes to do so. The rest of us would prefer to NOT be stuck behind you while you meander through the walkways at the speed of darkness. (Haha, get it? The opposite of the speed of light!) If you insist on walking slowly through the station, please move to the side and let others pass. Or, better yet, go sight-seeing in a park or something.

2. If an entire train’s worth of people is exiting the platform, and there is only one staircase available for leaving the platform and entering the platform, do NOT attempt to push your way through the masses of people who are trying to exit. The flow of people ceases completely as you try to climb over everyone. Believe me, the mere fact that you’re going against the grain will ensure that you will not make it to the platform in time to catch the train from which everyone is unloading. The only thing you will accomplish is infuriating the people who are trying desperately to get out of the station. Be polite and allow everyone to get out of the way.

3. Speaking of allowing everyone to get out of the way – do NOT push through people who are exiting the train in an attempt to procure a prime seat. Doing so slows down the loading/unloading process. However, this rule goes both ways. If you are taking your sweet time exiting the train, I will be the first in line to push you over.

4. Once you have boarded the train and are looking for a place to sit, do NOT, as a first choice, pick the seat next to the person carrying the most baggage. While I fully agree that people should take precedence over baggage when it comes to seating, it is highly uncomfortable to sit underneath all of your belongings for the entire ride – especially when there are plenty of open seats next to people who are carrying nothing.

5. Most trains have certain seats set aside for the elderly and people with disabilities. Usually these seats are clearly marked. I am all for sitting in these seats when there are no elderly or disabled people in the car, but if you are sitting in one of these seats and an old man with a cane boards the car, offer him your seat! Don’t wait for him to ask. Most likely he won’t, and he’ll struggle with his balance for the entire ride.

6. If you are going to eat and/or drink on the train (which is against the rules), do NOT leave your trash on the seat. There are trash receptacles inside the station and on the platform. There is no excuse, you tactless slob.

7. If you cannot find an open seat (or you just feel like standing), do NOT huddle around the doors. People who huddle around the doors are so in the way and a great annoyance to anyone trying to enter or exit the car. Plus, people who hang around the doors make the car look as though it is full to the max, and that deters polite people (who don’t want to squish everyone) from boarding. Either sit down or move to the center of the car.

8. Please refrain from entering a different car while the train is in motion. Not only is partaking in this activity detrimental to your well-being, the door you carelessly left open that is now swinging back and forth came this close to smacking me in the face.

9. When passing through the ticket gates, do NOT wait for the gates to close completely (after the person in front of you has completed their transaction) before presenting the machine with your chosen method of payment (paper ticket, card, etc.). It is completely unnecessary to do so, and the 500+ people behind you do not have the time to wait around while you watch the gates flap.

10. And finally, when leaving the platform to venture out into less than perfect weather conditions, DO NOT OPEN YOUR UMBRELLA IN THE STAIRWELL. Not only does this present an incredibly dangerous situation for the eyes of everyone lucky enough to be standing near you, it makes the mass exodus take ten times longer.